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I can't explain or understand...

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23rd December 2007

12:15pm: I'm almost at rock bottom and I'm so glad I was able to get here. I have a horrible feeling I'm going to have considerably less friends for a couple of weeks.

5th December 2007

9:58pm: what a big fucking waste of almost 3 years of my life.

7th November 2007

4:43pm: this family infuriates me so FUCKING much words cannot begin to describe.

so rachel has been taking naughty pics of herself and sending them to her internet boyfriends over her mobile claiming shes 16. I tell my parents and get told i shouldn't be looking and their not going to shout at her because its her life. 13 yr old boobs the fuckin sickos

11th October 2007

1:08am: so i havent updated in ages but thats no surprise really. ill do a new live journal and actually update it eventually.

i hate work
i hate people in work
i hate being single (god, never thought id say that)
i hate having no life


the past 2 weeks have been hell. i have sacrificed more than i can begin to explain. i never thought making money would mean this. i think its time for me to move on personally. we'll see. i think im being victimised in work but becuase its never happened before i dont know. i think some people are trying to get me sacked. you know who you are, tosser. but yea just cause im not the fave like. i need to go out and have a good cry. lame.

halloween... krazy house.... be there. urgh.
damnation soon. a weekend off might do me the world of good, peole will have a whole weekend to talk about me behind my back and i dont have to put up with all the snidey looks.

24th February 2007

7:37pm: Tattoo
Wasn't the best idea but I'd do it again.

About to tell dad.... shitting myself does not even begin to cover it.

15th February 2007

1:23pm: Also I would like to add if someone tells you they love you in the majority of cirumstances they only tell you to mess with your mind. It's not even a case of meaning it anymore. Twat.

9th February 2007

9:50pm: None of you can begin to conprehend how much of a crappy time I am having right now.

14th January 2007

10:58pm: So recently I've not been having the best of times.

To summarise: I think I've really fucked up in work, Drank far too much, Said a lot of things I shouldn't have said, Made a TIT of myself on too many occasions and to top it all I feel like a LOT of people have let me down.

3rd January 2007

11:26pm: Rambling from myspace (which is broke)
In all honesty, 2006, for me was a pretty average year. Unfortunately though, more on the crappy side of average. There were about the same amounts of highs and lows but the highs were so highs the lows were awful and as I like to ‘pick my scabs’ (so to speak) a lot of them are still sore, open wounds.

Last year cannot be summarised by a few sentences. Well it probably could but I would feel that if I did then it would be inaccurate. In all honesty I still can’t believe it’s finally over! It seems like just a couple of months ago I was making party arrangements and sitting in the swan with my voddy n coke. I guess I felt a little let down by this year. It had so much potential. Perhaps I just think it did and maybe that’s why I’m so let down.

I really down know where to start so I guess I will just start from the top. Looking back it seems I just made a big failure of myself. In January I promised myself so many things, most man based and the rest self image based. I started the year as I indented to go on only unfortunately things didn’t really seem to work out.

My party went well, although not as well as I’d dreamed about. Hadn’t been up to much it has to be said between Januarys and may except for gigging and after show shite. After birthday there was Down, Download and was again pretty non eventful except for the odd night out. Everything went weird in July when people started settling down and I mean it wasn’t just like a couple of people it was the majority of my friends. Which is super weird cause none of them would really get on with the others. Must be something in the water. Ha.

September. Left school. FOREVER. Wow how weird it is to be a worker full time. Made a complete tit of myself towards the middle of the month because as usual I got drunk and couldn’t keep my secrets in (word vomit) and well if there was anything down for me there defiantly isn’t after that. DAMNIT. Yea so after making a complete fool of myself on a totally unrelated matter I got a second job. WOO!

Queue the hardest two weeks of my life. Working my double life away was HARD!! (Its calmed down now but I still really don’t have time for myself, not like I need any though. Don’t have to make time for anyone but myself).

It’s been quiet for ages now. December and I still have 2 jobs although I will no longer be working in the day by the looks of things much long after February. I shouldn’t complain though cause this should give me the kick I need to leave and do something else. Don’t know what mind but I’ll cross that when I come to it. December has brought getting in touch with old friends, new opportunities and new friends. I have a new self-confidence even if not comfortable with my body image and generally feel ok. Set myself up to fail a little other day but despite the fact I was expecting it, it still hurts. Guess you never get used to that.

Last year was a bad year for health, weight, relationships (there’s a surprise) and family. This year got off to an ok start and despite my early disappointment seems to be going on the right track. In some respects I’m in the same (if not worse) situation to what I was in last year but right now I only want to focus on the good. I am not making any resolutions because I know I will break them and feel like a failure all over again and then give up. I am just going to attempt to make positive improvements in my life.

Ok, so I’m nearly finished chatting crap and well, quite frankly if you’ve got this far I’m really surprised and shocked that you don’t have anything better to do/are really that interested in what I have to say. It’s a shame that I can’t put down a lot of the things that made me so amazingly happy last year but I feel that if I do then it will upset more people and cause more trouble than its worth so I suppose I shall keep those private (the way I am to assume they were meant to be).

If I haven’t seen you over Christmas I hope it was amazing for you and best wishes to you all for the New Year.

Much love and ramblings xxxxx Sarah xxxxx

8th December 2006

12:53am: I have never felt so alone.

I have so much I want to say but feel I have no one to talk to. I know you guys are always there for me but I just cant open up, I dont want to be vunerable to people.

I'll say it in stupid letters.

l'r tkrby, nuryb ant ewlniab yf vejq pzys mha.

it means nothing. Well it does but not like that it doesn't.

I wanna scream it but I know it will only lead to trouble.


Oh my computer is seriously fucked too so if you want me please text me.

Much love x
Current Mood: depressed

30th November 2006

5:55pm: Woah, I haven't felt this down in ages... Nor have I eaten this much ice cream to make myself feel better in ages

*feels sick*

29th November 2006

11:07pm: STOLEN
On-line journals are little filters that we each see every one else's lives through, the parts others choose to share with us. That said, we all think we are close, but really we seldom know *a lot* about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Ask away.

Then post this in your LJ/GJ and find out what people don't know about you.

14th November 2006

11:50pm: Hope I get time off.

Hope I get to go.

Hope things go well.

Hope things get dirty.

Hope she doesn't go.

Hope people don't fall out.

Hope I don't kick off.

Hope I don't get sick.

Hope it's worth it.

31st October 2006

11:05pm: So I'm well up with the planning of friday. Which is nice.

You people suck because I was stuck in on halloween.

It has just taken me the best part of an hour to find some nail clippers.

The isn't a smidgen of butter in the house.

WOo cherry coke.

25th October 2006

4:57pm: Don't ya just pyar love it when everyone is talking about you behind you back.

So its a big massive FUCK OFF to all you people, Mum, Rachel, Dad, and EVERYONE from work.

TWATS. ALL of you.

30th September 2006

11:55pm: Oh my god, I still can't believe it... Even when I'm in my uniform and collecting sticky glasses I still can't believe I got the job. I wanted this so bad and I am so pleased with myself.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



I Love my job ♥
Current Mood: Knackered

25th September 2006

10:40am: I ♥ Trampoline.




I love the fact I can get up, have breakfast, exercise in my jarmies and enjoy it!!!

24th September 2006

8:14pm: Soooo.... Haven't really been upto much since my last update, was ment to go to Emma's today but was gutted 'cause the crappy weather ment I couldn't. Grr. Went the strand once it cleared up and got a new top for going out on thursday (if my tickets ever arrive) and got myself this.... and now have to convince my parents and myself :S it was worth the investment. After seeing so many people around me, esp. a certain someone really shed the pounds its made me realise I don't wanna be a pudding anymore so were hoping for a result with this. Even if its only a small one.

Yea, anyway haven't really done much 'cause I work pretty much all the time now. I really should start saving, Ive spent almost £250 in 2 weeks which is NOT a good thing.

Went for a drink on friday with John which was good. Cleaned my room today which made me feel good and finally got round to sorting 2 ploxes of brownie papers n shit out and reduced it to one small cardboard one which has a cute design on it haha.

Got Looooooaaadddss of washing to do today :(

I'm really pissed off at both parents and sister right now. My mum has jibbed me off COMPLEATLY for Rachel. I haven't been able to sit downstairs with her for almost a week now. Grr. And I'm annoyed at my dad because I buy everything for myself now but get a bit pissed when it comes to buying underwear as its so expencive so I asked him for a tenner towards some and got told to fuck off. Thanks dad.

I need to find feet chicken fillets for thursdat :(

Bought new astrojax on saturday, squishie ones that bounce... Woo!

Yea, can't really think of anything else.

<33
Current Mood: accomplished

17th September 2006

12:06am: FUUUUUUCK
I bought the wrong bastard shade of foundation.

Fuck.

As if I wasn't pale enough!
Current Mood: pissed off

15th September 2006

11:37am: Littlewoods can kiss my white arse.


I mean, how fucking hard is it to send the right pair of boots out honestly. If i ask for a pair with 5 fucking buckles on i expect a pair with 5 fucking buckles on, not some kind of horse riding reject boots.

FFS, I mean, is it really too much to ask for staff that know what their doing, and then to moan at me for complaining about false advertising and then REFUSE to put me on a waiting list.

Cunts.





Matalan 2moro u_u

14th September 2006

10:00am: I had the most amazing idea for my tattoo yesterday!!!!

13th September 2006

12:42pm: I seriously need to learn to take money seriously.

Grr.

10th September 2006

5:14pm: ...and just like that everything was back to normal.

My dad hates me again and is truly enjoying making my life difficult on a daily basis.

My mum is suffering to keep us happy after his drunken daily rants at me because he's had a bad day.

Rachel is being spoiled and adorned and I'm pissed at them all.

I ain't given a certain someone the cold shoulder yet but I feel that can be left for another time as the next time will be far from relevent.
Current Mood: sick

31st August 2006

8:32pm: I don't know if I'm stressed, frustraited, annoyed or just bored.

25th August 2006

10:10pm: *Frowney Face*
None of you have any idea how crappy I feel today. I just need a hug.
I also need to stop wasting every idle thought on someone.
Its making me sick.
Its totally not me.
There are more important things in my life.

GET OUT MY HEAD!!!!

Please don't stay mad at me for long.
I might die.
Current Mood: numb
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